Musings
by Aduan
Summary: While Kagome studies for her tests, she thinks about Inuyasha and why he hardly smiles. Set during the earlier volumes of the manga.


Musings (Portrait of a Half Youkai)  
  
This is a work of fiction, the characters do not belong to me, and any incident that is similar is purely coincidental. This is also my first attempt at posting a story online. Please forgive me if I have made any gramatical errors etc. since I have no beta reader yet. Thanks and have fun reading!  
  
Kagome sat down heavily on her chair in her bedroom, the back of a pen in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully as she flipped through her Mathematics notes. Her teacher had been rather upset by her poor performance of late, and she knew that if she wanted to do well, she would have to spend less time with Inuyasha.  
  
Although she managed to get a few days off from searching for the shards to study, she didn't get her break easily. Or rather, Inuyasha didn't give up easily.  
  
After repeatedly hiding her pack up a tree and stashing her bicycle somewhere in the woods, Inuyasha finally got irritated enough to yell at her for returning back to her time for the sake of some 'tests'.  
  
Arguments ensued, which was only broken up by her finally shouting 'Sit' at least ten times, while she grabbed her pack and bicycle and escaped, ignoring the curses and threats the foul-mouthed half youkai was throwing at her.  
  
'Inuyasha.' She thought tiredly as she ran a hand through her brown hair, wincing slightly as one of her fingers was entangled. 'If only you were more polite, more kind, caring, funny and well-mannered.' Sighing, she glanced at the clock and jumped fairly, realising that she had been day dreaming away.  
  
Refocusing her attention on her Math homework, she frowned as she tried to complete the sums, since the answer just didn't add up. Frustrated, she tried again several times, managing to succeed only on her fourth attempt.  
  
Staring at the questions sleepily, she wondered when she would be able to complete them, and when she would be able to finally get some sleep. Yawning, she reached for her pillow on the bed and hugged it, trying to keep herself awake to complete her assignment.  
  
'If only Inuyasha was more understanding.' She thought resignedly. 'If only he knew what "tests" were actually all about.' she thought.  
  
Inuyasha wasn't one who thought very much about things such as 'tests'. She knew Inuyasha well enough to know that he wasn't one who thought much about anything else when he wasn't fighting. He preferred to keep things simple. Most of the time, the half youkai took almost everything at face value, and preoccupied himself with fighting the 'bad guys' and grabbing more of the Shikon no Tama fragments.  
  
Although simple-minded, Inuyasha was no child. When the need arose, he would make decisions that required the faculties and experience of an adult. In certain situations, he would not hesitate to cast his life as a forfeit in order to save their lives. A child would not think about such things.  
  
But something else troubled her. Inuyasha rarely smiled. During their time together, Kagome had rarely seen him smile. It was as if nothing could make him smile, or nothing in the world could ever bring his smile back. Who had taken away his smile in the first place? She had confided in Myouga on the matter before, but still, she didn't manage to solve the problem. Myouga didn't know why he didn't smile, nor who was the one who took his smile away, though the flea youkai did hint on someone: his mother.  
  
"Inuyasha-sama rarely smiles in the first place. But I distinctly remembered one time when his mother was by his side, Inuyasha- sama was smiling. That was the only time." She remembered Myouga's words.  
  
Why doesn't he smile anymore? Maybe he felt nothing in life was funny or wonderful anymore, as children often found life to be full of wonders. This proved that Inuyasha had lost that innocence a long time ago.  
  
When Inuyasha was human, he didn't sleep, and she often found him straying more than ever away from the group, as if he couldn't stand to be with them or he could not stay there. Although the half youkai never explained the reason, Kagome could guess the reason was that he didn't want to be reminded that he was human, and he didn't want to stay with them because it reminded him of something sad. Although it was just an assumption, still she felt it was much more closer to the truth than Inuyasha would let on.  
  
'Inuyasha.' she thought, dropping her pen down. 'Why don't you trust us? We're your friends, we'll always stay as your friends, even though time may separate us.'  
  
Realising what she was thinking, she knew at once why Inuyasha stayed aloof. 'He was always assuming that we would split some day, so he didn't ant to share too much of himself because he fears that he would hurt again! Inuyasha, you idiot!' She thought angrily. 'No wonder you're always apart, pretending that you don't care. You care too much to let your heart show. You're afraid of getting hurt!'  
  
Once she knew the reason for Inuyasha's aloofness, she knew the answer to everything Inuyasha did. He stayed a jerk so he wouldn't get hurt, so he could ease his conscience. And it didn't help matters with his vulgar language, all it did was to help him achieve his goal, to stay apart from us. Oh Inuyasha.  
  
"Uh, Kagome?" Knuckles rapped on her window, and she fairly jumped, covering her mouth in an effort to muffle her shriek. "Could you let me in?"  
  
"Inuyasha!" She exclaimed as she opened the window, and a tired looking half youkai came in. "What's wrong? I thought you promised me five days?"  
  
"I didn't, you ran off." He snarled angrily and looked away, before staring at his feet. " I was wondering.could I see you take the 'test'?"  
  
"Huh?" Surprised, Kagome stared at him. He became irritated.  
  
"I mean I want to see the reason why you're always studying for this 'test' thing. Is it that dangerous, is it that important?" He asked, as she began to smile. "What? What did I do?"  
  
"Thanks, Inuyasha. You're welcome to watch me study, and take the test. After that, we can return to your world and find the Shikon no Tama fragments."  
  
"Of course we're going to do that!" Came an indignant reply.  
  
'If anything, I'm going to start making sure that Inuyasha has got something to smile about. We're friends and I'm not going to sit there and watch as a friend stays sad.' Kagome promised herself and smiled at Inuyasha again, who looked at her in puzzlement, wondering why she was in such a good mood. 'One day, Inuyasha. When you smile that day, I'm going to take a photo of you and keep it.'  
  
Owari. 


End file.
